USING YOUR CLOSET TO LEARN TO TRUST YOURSELF
How many of us have not bought something because our friends didn’t like it? Or haven’t worn the thing we wanted to because someone made a comment “You're going to wear that. there.?!” Or have put something on hold, only to go back into the store three more times to only continue holding it ..
Personally, have been there, been there, and uh ya - most definitely have been there.
But the basis of an aligned closet or an aligned life is founded on choices .. made by YOU for YOU. And it’s crucial that we not only get really good at making choices for ourselves, but that we get really good at trusting ourselves enough to make those choices.
Because if we’re constantly looking around at friends, family, or say - horoscopes to tell us what to do or what to wear … we’re not really living or dressing for us. We’re doing it for someone or something outside of us (like the stars or what we think the Universe wants us to do).
I, of all people, understand the paralysis that can come with big choices - to buy or not to buy? Oat milk or almond milk? To stay or to leave?
I used to constantly pray for signs outside of me, for the Universe to show me the right choice to make. Until I could recognize that the only signs I ever needed were the ones showing up inside of me. To trust what I was feeling, what was showing up in my body - and that these were actually clues to my Truth .. rather than things to repress.
Self-trust goes so much deeper than making a decision and trusting it. It's also about being strong enough in our intuition that the outside voices have no power over us. It's about cultivating a relationship of love + compassion for ourselves, so that we feel safe to make choices and let the outcomes be as they will. It's about honoring our needs + wants, so that we can show up fully for ourselves. And it's about being our own best friends.
It takes a lot of practice to get to a relationship of trust with ourselves, when everything we’re taught is to look for the answers outside of ourselves.
And self-trust, like everything, is .. a practice. It doesn’t mean excluding the world and never asking another person for an opinion again - although that may work for some to start with that at first.
But it does mean that we are the creators of our own lives. We are the ones who get to choose what feels right to us and what doesn’t. We are the ones who can make a choice, without knowing whether its right or wrong (and heads up, there is no right or wrong) - and trust ourselves enough to know that we will always have our own backs
.. that we can course correct if needed
.. and that if worse comes to worst - our own personal return policy can be one million days, self-love back guaranteed.
Ready to start practicing a little more self-trust? I put together a list of ways to use your closet to begin building that muscle - day by day or dress by dress …
When you’re faced with “To buy or not to buy?” .. sit with it. Impulsive? Give yourself a few days or a week. Overthinker? Set an end-of-day or 24hr deadline.
If you’re still thinking about it .. that may be your cue.
Wear the thing that you want to wear out without knowing what your friends are wearing.
Buy something you like without asking anyone else whether you should.
Practice self compassion when you seemingly made the ‘wrong choice’ .. i.e. there’s an item still hanging in your closet with tags on it from two years ago. Find a way to put the item in forward motion, so it can stop triggering guilt every time you see it in your closet. Mail it to a friend who it reminds you of or consign it + use the money towards something new.
Clean out your closet. There’s no better way to practice self-trust than trusting yourself enough to let go of all the clothes that are no longer serving you.
If a closet overhaul seems overwhelming, take baby steps. Let go of a few items per month or store the clothes you’re ready to get rid of underneath your bed for a few months ... Don’t actually need them like you thought you might? Can you trust yourself enough to let them go now?
Take a risk wearing something only you love without asking anyone else what they think. Note* it’s totally normal for this to feel uncomfortable at first. Reminder - the discomfort passes and each time gets easier.
Ask yourself what you feel like wearing? .. *crickets*?
Start with giving yourself options - bright or dark? Cozy or structured? Heavy or light? Soft or silky?
Or offer yourself choices in sets of two -pants + top or dress? jeans or chinos? tshirt or blouse? grey or pink?
Have a couple feel good outfits as go-to’s for the nights when you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed after trying on your entire closet only to like nothing.
Give yourself permission for your outfit to be good enough - not perfect.
When you’re getting dressed in the morning, check in first with how you feel. What do you want to wear? Or what do you need that day?
And when all else fails .. check in if it’s a ‘Fuck yes?’ Do it.
Anything else? FUCK NO.